Avocado Man
by Paino
Summary: Let's just watch everyone text. Why not, it's funny.
1. Avocado Man

Irumeme: Miu Iruma

Kiibo: Kiibo

Praise-Me: Kokichi Ouma

SpaceMan: Kaito Momota

PianoMagic: Kaede Akamatsu

Shuichi_Saihara: Shuichi Saihara

Lof: Gonta Gokuhara

AikaidoMaster: Tenko Chabashira

Poof: Yumeno Himoko

Kami-sama: Angie Yonaga

Amamystery: Rantaro Amami

Harumaki: Maki Harukawa

Hosh: Hoshi Ryouma

Nyanime!: Tsumugi Shirogane

DeathtoDust: Kirumi Toujou

HumanInterest: Korekiyo Shinguuji

 _ **February 19th - 4.38pm**_

 _ **Irumeme has added PianoMagic, Shuichi-Saihara, Kiibo, Amamystery, Praise-Me, and nine others to the conversation.**_

Irumeme: GUYS I FUCKING FOUND SOMETHING

Kiibo: ehryhfrgfugfgef8ewidjcxbvhk,.jhygtfyrt

Praise-Me: Nishishishi! Looks like Kiibo-chan hasn't figured out how to type yet

AikaidoMaster: DISGUSTING BOY your laugh is uglier in the chat! HAH

Praise-Me: I'm wounded.

Shuichi-Saihara: Why am I here.

 _ **Shuichi-Saihara has left the conversation.**_

 _ **Irumeme added Shuichi-Saihara to the conversation.**_

Irumeme: BAKAMATSU MAKE EM FUCKIN LISTEN TO ME

PianoMagic: Why did you even create this chat in the first place?

Irumeme: I wanted to tell everybody fuckin somethin but nobodys listening!

Lof: We should listen everyone! Must I remind everyone of mannerisms?

Praise-Me: Holy shit is Gonta lof

PianoMagic: Gonta I'm so proud of you

Lof: I can't take the credit for such a brilliant screen name. Momota came up with it for me!

PianoMagic: Oh.

SpaceMan: D

PianoMagic: Not even?

Irumeme: FUCKING LISTEN TO ME YOU UNGODLY TWATS

Kami-sama: Angie didn't know Iruma prayed to Kami-sama! But she doesn't think Kami-sama appreciates the use of their title like that...

Irumeme: UGHH JUST LISTEN

Amamystery: I'm listening Iruma

Irumeme: PERFECT YOU'RE FUCKING HERE OH GOD YES THIS IS GOLD

Praise-Me: Am I missing something

Praise-Me: I refuse to be left out of something that seems so important!

Amamystery: Uhhhhhhhh

Kiibo: hretyeyrgwuy3gdcvxcpbo,bojoi

Shuichi-Saihara: Somebody please teach Kiibo how to type properly

Harumaki: I'll do it. It's better than being even virtually near Ouma.

Praise-Me: HOW DARE

Amamystery: Anyway

Amamystery: what did you want to share with us Iruma

 _Iruma uploads a video to the chat. It is a video of Amami sneaking through to the cafeteria during sleep hours. The camera follows him from a safe distance and you can hear Iruma snickering as she watches him. He takes all twelve of the avocados from the food cupboard and sneaks back to his room._

Irumeme:AMAMI'S A FUCKIN SLUT FOR AVOCADOS AHAHAHAH

AikaidoMaster: DISGUSTING BOY! THATS WHERE YOU THEY WENT YOU TOOK ALL THE NACHO TOPPINGS

Poof: nachos are gr8

Amamystery: oh no my only secret

PianoMagic: COUGH

Praise-Me: AMAMI WHY THE FUCK DID YOU STEAL ALL OF THE AVOCADOS

Praise-Me: DO YOU KNOW HOW UPSETTING THAT IS LIKE YOU DO KNOW I NEED THEM TO FUCKING EAT FOOD RIGHT I CAN'T EAT FUCKING NACHOS WITH GUACCIMOLRHGGFUD ITS FUCKING DELICIOUS AND I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FUCKING EAT ANY NACHOS BECAUSE ALL THE AVOCADOS GO MISSING EVERY FUCKING DAY DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW DARE YOU DO THIS

SpaceMan: Damn shots FIRED

Irumeme: BUT WAIT THERES MORE

 _Iruma uploads another video following the last. She follows Amami to his room to which he fortunately forgets to lock his door (he seems to obsessed with his avocado collection). He then cuts all the avocados in half and makes a variety of meals centering around avocados. He eats all of them. At one point he uses the last avocado to fix his hair which was turning white in one part. Iruma laughs and quickly runs away. The camera turns off._

Amamystery: How could you do this to me you've exposed all of my secrets

PianoMagic: how tf do you eat all that do you have like a void in your stomach?

Irumeme: KYAHAHAHAHAHA! HOW DO YOU FEEL

Amamystery: I feel violated

AikaidoMaster: Disgusting BOY! MAKING SUCH DISGUSTING JOKES. YOUR HAIR IS ALMOST AS BAD AS OUMAS!

Praise-Me: Aghgh my heart

Praise-Me: BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY WHAT THE FUCK AMAMI

Amamystery: Is something the matter babe

Praise-Me: DON'T BABE ME YOU TRAITOROUS PIECE OF AVOCADO HAIR

Shuichi-Saihara: Wow what an amazing insult

Shuichi-Saihara: 10/10

Praise-Me: BITCH DONT MAKE ME COME OVER THERE

Amamystery: You can come over any time you want sweetheart ;)

Kami-sama: Angie ships it

Nyanime!: I do as well Oooh i can't wait to see what comes out of this relationship-

Kiibo: Please do not initiate in sexual intercourse...

Harumaki: I taught Kiibo how to type

Praise-Me: PRYUFYGUFGUYFBUH WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO 'INTIATE IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE' WITH THIS AVOCADO FUCKER

Amamystery: You're cute when you're angry ;)

HumanInterest: If you do so happen to engage in such beautiful art I would be much obliged to your permission to watch.

Shuichi-Saihara: Please kill me

Irumeme: Stop being an emo FUCK

Shuichi-Saihara: Fuck you I'm not an emo

SpaceMan: WHOA

PianoMagic: Sh-SHUICHI-KUN!?

Nyanime!: Why are you calling him shuichi-kun-

Shuichi-Saihara: you didnt hear that from me

Praise-Me: ANYWAYS FUCKING AMAMI YOU OWE ME SIXETY AVOCADOS

Amamystery: Anything for you babe

Praise-Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGRHUGTGUHGBRUGYVCWEODCINGHB

 **5.12pm**

Kiibo: I believe Ouma-kun has malfunctioned.

AikaidoMaster: I HOPE SO. he is a disgusting boy! HE'S AN UGLY AS AN OX ON WEED!

Praise-Me: I'm wounded how could you

Amamystery: Somebody called? ;)

PianoMagic: AMAMI!?


	2. Emo? Gay?

Irumeme: Miu Iruma

Kiibo: Kiibo

Praise-Me: Kokichi Ouma

SpaceMan: Kaito Momota

PianoMagic: Kaede Akamatsu

Shuichi_Saihara: Shuichi Saihara

Lof: Gonta Gokuhara

AikaidoMaster: Tenko Chabashira

Poof: Yumeno Himoko

Kami-sama: Angie Yonaga

Amamystery: Rantaro Amami

Harumaki: Maki Harukawa

Hosh: Ryouma Hoshi

Nyanime!: Shirogane Tsumugi

DeathtoDust: Kirumi Toujou

HumanInterest: Korekiyo Shinguuji

 _ **February 20th - 3.54pm Group Chat**_

Praise-Me: I don't believe this

Amamystery: What is it babe? ;)

Praise-Me: SHUT

PianoMagic: What's up Ouma?

Praise-Me: Amami ACTUALLY LEFT sixety fuckign avocados at my door

Amamystery: :0 Are you saying no to my appreciative efforts

Praise-Me: I DONT WANT YOUR PITY YOU AVOCADO FUCKER

Kiibo: Amami, please do not initiate in sexual intercourse with any avocados.

Shuichi-Saihara: is that the only thing you know how to properly type out kiibo

Kiibo: Yes.

Shuichi-Saihara: Maki?

Harumaki: i swear i taught him more than just how to type that

AikaidoMaster: You SWINE OUMA! You should be grateful for any pity or appreciation you get because in the future youre gonna have NOBODY like that! HAH!

Poof: Tenko you should be nicer. it's Kokichi appreciation day after all

Irumeme: LOL

Praise-Me: I NEVER HEARD ABOUT THIS! IS THERE REALLY SUCH A THING NOT THAT I WOULD EVER CARE

Poof: no

SpaceMan:

Hosh: I have to admit that's pretty funny.

PianoMagic: Personally, I have to admit that I never expected you to say anything on this chat Hoshi.

DeathtoDust: I must inform you that both of us exist solely on this group chat for the purpose of existing. Attempting to leave said group chat on a whim would result only in a repeat version of what Saihara-kun attempted previously.

AikaidoMaster: Suicide?

PianoMagic: SHUICHI-KUN?!

Nyanime!: Seriously when did you two get on a first name basis-

HumanInterest: A truly dark side of the natural beauty of the human species. However, I cannot be for or against since anything the human species does is just as worth as artwork.

Shuichi-Saihara: I never attempted suicide i swear

Irumeme: I KNEW YOU WERE AN EMO FUCK

Shuichi-Saihara: I'm not an emo fuck!

PianoMagic: You do know you can come to me if you have any thoughts like that Shuichi-kun

Shuichi-Saihara: I FUCKING SWEAR I DIDN'T ATTEMPT SUICIDE

PianoMagic: Shuichi-kun... why do I find that difficult to believe?

Shuichi-Saihara: YOU'RE ASKING ME

Nyanime!: WHEN DID YOU GUYS START TALKING TO EACH OTHER ON A FIRST NAME BASIS

Praise-Me: You didn't know?

Shuichi-Saihara: OUMA PLEASE I PROMISE I'LL BUY YOU AS MANY PANTAS AS YOU WANT

Praise-Me: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Shuichi-Saihara: YOU CAN HAVE MY SPARE CHANGE TOO

Praise-Me: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm alright!

PianoMagic: What wait shuichi-kun i thought you were gonna tell everybody

Shuichi-Saihara: Well

PianoMagic: D'aw Shuichi-kun~! I'll do it then

Shuichi-Saihara: AKAMATSU-SAN THIS IS REALLY NOT NECESSARY

PianoMagic: its KAEDE

Shuichi-Saihara: um k-kaede-san! this is really not necessary

PianoMagic: well alright then

Amamystery: How does one stutter while typing?

Poof: Truly a magick beyond all magicks

Irumeme: don't pay attention to that son of a bitch hes just an EMO FUCK! KYAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shuichi-Saihara: At this rate i might as well be

SpaceMan: dude

AikaidoMaster: well I hate to say it but Saihara-kun is truly a boy among boys! probably the best boy I've actually met so dont be an emo?

MagicPiano: I'd never expect you to say something like that tenko

AikaidoMaster: well i just did!

Shuichi-Saihara: then why did you make everybody think I've attempted suicide in the past?!

AikaidoMaster: well it just seemed like something you'd do

Shuichi-Saihara: you just told me not to be emo

AikaidoMaster: Awful boy! Talking back as if I did something wrong!

Shuichi-Saihara: what no that's not what i meant

Praise-Me: HEY! We were talking about KOKICHI APPRECIATION DAY HERE don't go off babbling to some other lowly emo plebian!

MagicPaino: You're one to talk

Praise-Me: HEY! ILL HAVE YOU KNOW MY SECRET SOCIETY HAS OVER 10,000 MEMBERS! IM AN EVIL RULER! DONT TALK TO ME LIKE IM SCUM, SCUM!

Amamystery: am _I_ scum to you babe? ;)

Praise-Me: suhsdyfhufgeruwejdhbffvhsweyweydgfeuyrfg67wedwdERYETGDFTYS

Amamystery: Like i thought =3=

Nyanime!: GASP

MagicPiano: Ouma are you falling for our suave playboi?!

Amamystery: =3= Yes im just so suave ouma fall for me

Irumeme: hes also a slut for avocados

Amamystery: I thought the past was behind us

Irumeme: NOPE

Praise-Me: LIKE I WOULD FALL FOR AN AVOCADO FUCKER LIKE AMAMI WHAT LIES DO YOU LOWLY PLEBIANS SPEAK OF. HAH!

Amamystery: would you object to visiting my room tho hun ;3

AikaidoMaster: YOU AWFUL BOY! DONT SPEAK SUCH VULGARITY IN THE PRESENCE OF US WOMEN! TAKE YOUR LOVERS QUARRELS WITH YOUR GAY-ASS BOYFRIEND ELSEWHERE

Praise-Me: FUCK IT IM NOT GAY FOR AMAMI!

Amamystery: ah you wound me ouma-kun ;-;

Shuichi-Saihara: well ouma has a million boyfriends anyway he doesn't need another one

MagicPiano: SHUICHI-KUN WHAT HAS CHANGED YOU IN THESE PAST HOURS?!

SpaceMan: D

Shuichi-Saihara: you're one of them kaito

SpaceMan: what fuck no

Shuichi-Saihara: he also has kiibo somehow

Kiibo: I am not interested in ouma

Praise-Me:

Praise-Me: fuck you guys ;;;;;;;;;;;;

Amamystery: oh well. guess ill just look for another hot ass instead ;)

Praise-Me: euheufyvfbYgsgryuffdhgughfsdfjn

AikaidoMaster: DISGUSTING !

Irumeme: AMAMI ARE YOU GAY IM JUST SAYIN

Amamystery: let me prove it to you ;) ;)

Amamystery: hey saihara

Shuichi-Saihara: no

Amamystery: :(

Praise-Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MagicPiano: oh my god

Amamystery: you mean

Amamystery: OUMAgod

Hosh: im fucking coming over there to break your collarbone

Amamystery: please dont

MagicPiano: To be honest i am surprised that like amamis gay

Poof: yeah hes totally got the playboy look going on yknow?

Amamystery: i can like either genders ;) If you want a piece of this ladies just ask

AikaidoMaster: i hope to god hes joking

Amamystery: i am now

Nyanime!: i dont know. i think being gay is intriguing. the amount of BL is just so... large and most of the time the anime is really good and... ahhhh... id love to here shinguujis opinion on the matter

Praise-Me: you actually WANT shinguujis opinion?! also like what the heck tsumugi are those sound effects really necessary

HumanInterest: Ah yes. Homosexuality. Another delightful side to the human species. Though I'm not sure how sexual intercourse would work, since I have not taken part in it myself.

MagicPiano: WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

Shuichi-Saihara: UEHFYRERCNGHRUIGFYUBHJRBERA

HumanInterest: I am not done. The face value of homosexuality to me is the same as watching two of the opposite gender become romantically involved. It is just as beautiful as any other.

Shuichi-Saihara: i have an assignment i need to get done . any excuse to leave.

 _ **Shuichi-Saihara is offline.**_

MagicPiano: dont we all have an assignment? we ARE in the same class

Kami-sama: Angie already did hers! It's due in a few days so she just figured she'd get it out of the way yknow?

Praise-Me: amami do my homework

Amamystery: no. you have to do that yourself. sorry.

Praise-Me: I thought you loved me

Harumaki: im surprised saihara-kun hasnt finished his yet. hes usually one to get it done straight off the bat.

MagicPiano: i dunno hes seemed distracted lately

Irumeme: i already told you hes and EMO FUCK he probably goes to fuckin hot topic or whatever every day KYAHAHAHA! WHAT A FUCKIN NERD!

Poof: have you ever thought that he might not emo

Poof: . . .

Irumeme: Nah

SpaceMan: nope

Amamystery: sometimes

Praise-Me: LOL NO

HumanInterest: i must admit, no. but being emo is still beautifully intriguing.

Kiibo: My processors find it difficult to say yes.

Harumaki: no

AikaidoMaster: hes a boy i dont really know ?

Nyanime!: he wears all black like most emo characters...

Kami-sama: nop~

Lof: I have! If Saihara-kun says he's not, he's not. He's never lied before.

MagicPiano: gonta you pure and trustworthy soul

Praise-Me: do you love him more than saihara-chan~~~?

MagicPiano: huh?

AikaidoMaster: DONT WORRY AKAMATSU ILL PROTECT YOU FROM THIS LOWLY PLEBIAN SCUMBAG

Poof: sorry. i ran out of mp.

Nyanime!: how dare you attack their ship! i WILL start a flame war about this! kiibo, hes being racist!]

Kiibo: ILL SUE HIM

 _ **7.48pm - PMs Shuichi-Saihara/MagicPiano**_

MagicPiano: shuichi-kun~~

Shuichi-Saihara: what is it akamatsu-san?

MagicPiano: its KAEDE

MagicPiano: anyway are you actually emo?

Shuichi-Saihara: im sure id tell you that if i was

MagicPiano: . . .

Shuichi-Saihara: k-kaede-san

MagicPiano: well, if youre lying you know i always be here for you okay? 3

MagicPiano: SHUICHI-KUN ARE YOU OKAY I JUST HEARD YOU SCREAM FROM SOMEWHERE


End file.
